At any rate, you shouldn’t have to guess. If you have done something unknowingly to hurt somebody, ask, talk about it and if need be, apologise. You are not responsible for anybody else’s feelings. Walk away and come back when the mood has shifted. If your attempts to please aren’t working or aren’t lasting for very long, maybe it’s time to stop. Toxic people figured out a long time ago that decent people will go to extraordinary lengths to keep the people they care about happy.
When this happens, you might find yourself making excuses for them or doing everything you can to make them happy. The ‘just enough’ might be a heaving sigh, a raised eyebrow, a cold shoulder. They might be prickly, sad, cold or cranky and when you ask if there’s something wrong, the answer will likely be ‘nothing’ – but they’ll give you just enough to let you know that there’s something. There often isn’t anything obvious that will explain the change of attitude – you just know something isn’t right. They’ll be completely lovely one day and the next you’ll be wondering what you’ve done to upset them. They’ll keep you guessing about which version of them you’re getting.Knowing them will help you to avoid falling under the influence:
There are plenty of things toxic people do to manipulate people and situations to their advantage. You might not be able to change what they do, but you can change what you do with it, and any idea that toxic somebody in your life might have that they can get away with it. Their damage lies in their subtlety and the way they can engender that classic response, ‘It’s not them, it’s me.’ They can have you questioning your ‘over-reactiveness’, your ‘oversensitivity’, your ‘tendency to misinterpret’. If you’re the one who’s continually hurt, or the one who is constantly adjusting your own behaviour to avoid being hurt, then chances are that it’s not you and it’s very much them.īeing able to spot their harmful behaviour is the first step to minimising their impact. Sometimes it’s more like a drenching. Difficult people are drawn to the reasonable ones and all of us have likely had (or have) at least one person in our lives who have us bending around ourselves like barbed wire in endless attempts to please them – only to never really get there. We have all had toxic people dust us with their poison.
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